Archiv für den Monat Mai 2016

a bit of therapy…

after a year of cancer treatment, one is adviced to take lots of therapy. physio, lymph drainage and also psycho therapy.

I am doing it all. it feels good and i have learned to take time for these things in life as they seem important to me now. just like other people do yoga.

the physio is good the lymph drainage is very good and the psycho therapy is even better.

i met my therapist in november last year. by now we are so good together and can have lots of laughs during sessions.

the thing is, when you are really into it to find out where you might have gone wrong, where you might have made mistakes, why cancer happened, etc., its so good to have someone who goes through it all with you and reflects things where you can say: ‚ wow‘ i havent seen it this way ever! ‚ and than your thoughts become new.

this is what happened to me and a very important experience happened aswell: i found out that i have been fighting all my life for recognition. people liking me. And if i didnt get it, i would fight harder instead of going the other way and leave it behind. i have always done that. i needed the recognition, to be a good girl. i only always wanted to be a good girl.

its part of my upbringing (and this would need another blog post to explain. )

i also have learned to fix things. you can always fix things. if its broken. mend it. there is no such things as something you can not fix.
now i am learning the other way through therapy. and its good. i can not fix everything. i can not fix my marriage. i have tried everything to get the recognition. i faled. it didnt work. 

so this time and for the first time in my life, i am not a good girl, and thats good.